Notes from the edge of civilization: November 30, 2025

Gold is the new coke; aristocratic job posting; the secret to internet success; and don't say we didn't warn you!

Latin America’s drug traffickers have figured out something most American financial advisors still haven’t: gold is true money in a collapsing system.

Illegal gold mining is overtaking cocaine as Latin America’s most profitable criminal trade because it is safer, easier to launder, and — when refined — illegal gold is indistinguishable from legitimate gold, and sniffer dogs can’t detect it.

While governments welded citizens into their apartments during COVID and lectured them about staying six feet apart, organized crime moved fast. According to CNN:

The COVID-19 pandemic triggered an exponential spread of illegal gold mining and coca production, said Dan Collyns, a writer on organized crime in the Amazon region.

The police were enforcing a strict lockdown, giving free rein to organized crime groups to expand their territorial control, particularly in remote areas. And the lockdown meant that many Peruvians, more than 70% of whom work in the informal economy, were forced to find alternative incomes, often in illegal occupations, Collyns said.

In a world run on fear and scarcity, even crime is pivoting to hard assets.

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This is one of those stories that’s just fun to gawk at. An aging British aristocrat wrote a ‘job posting’ for a new wife who can produce a male heir. We’ll get into the hilarious details in a second, but the reason why it earns a place in the Collapse Life roundup is because of what it stands for: an old social order that isn’t reproducing naturally anymore.

Here’s the scoop: 79-year-old Sir Benjamin Julian Alfred Slade is seeking a mate who likes to dance and play bridge, can manage a couple of castles, and knows how to drive and shoot (and maybe fly a helicopter). Plus, she can’t be so old that he can’t get life insurance for her.

Here it is, in his own words:

Sir Ben is on the search for a Lady of the House.

You must have a shotgun licence, a driving licence (also a helicopter licence would be beneficial), amorial bearings, be able to run two castles, an estate and a grouse moor.

Legal and accountancy training would be useful. Must be able to breed two sons (don’t mind if she has bred before and is proven).

A little private capital and income would be helpful. A large fortune would be more helpful!

The candidate would be paid £50,000 plus a bonus per year and this includes a car, house, expenses, food and holidays.

Guardian readers, Scorpios, drug users, alcoholics, Scots, under 5’6’, people from countries beginning with ‘I’ who have green in their flag and people from countries where they don’t wear overcoats in the winter, need not apply!

On the one hand, this is the final nail in the coffin for romance. On the other hand, it’s so just refreshingly honest to see someone clearly articulate what the modern courtship ritual has become: a mashup of perfectly written LinkedIn profiles and Tinder swipe-rights.

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Perhaps Sir Ben should get on OnlyFans. He might be able to make a match like Ms. Sophie Rain, a 21-year-old from Florida who recently revealed she has made over $95 million in two years on the platform. (Talk about a little “private income”!)

The “reporting” on this “news” — from the site WhereistheBuzz.com — uses some linguistic gymnastics that are just too good to ignore:

“Laid off from her career” as a restaurant worker, Rain “built a business” (because every OnlyFans model is an entrepreneur), and went “from waitress to multi-millionaire.” Classic bootstrap myth-making: the American Dream is alive and well and wears a thong. “A new type of internet success.” OnlyFans provides opportunity, levels the playing field, and democratizes wealth creation. And don’t forget the part about “giving back” — Rain’s moral redemption.

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Astute followers of Collapse Life, and in particular those with a paid subscription, will remember warning sign #5 in our Collapse Clock guide — the one titled ‘The Data Vanishes.’ This week’s little bureaucratic shrug from the US government will feel uncomfortably familiar.

The Bureau of Economic Analysis quietly announced it has canceled the release of the advance GDP estimate for the third quarter because of the “recently ended government shutdown.” Not delayed or postponed. Just not happening.

As we said in the guide, numbers don’t just disappear. When data goes dark it’s because someone wants that information gone. Or “memory-holed” to quote 1984.

Announcing GDP numbers, among other metrics, is one of the rituals the empire uses to reassure everyone its engines are still running. When those numbers go away, well, you know it’s a tell.

Tick-tock. The hour is drawing near.

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